I breathe in
But the air escapes
Through the holes in my soul.
I’m gasping,
Struggling to live,
And then you save me.
I breathe you in,
But you are still outside me
Laughing, mocking,
Loving, hating,
I breathe in deeply,
Air suffocates me now.
I stare at the wine glass,
Transfixed.
The wine is rare,
I have never seen anything like it.
I hold it up against the light,
I can see through it
Yet it is solid
And I see nothing else
It pulls me into itself
I touch the glass
Uncertain, unsure
I lift it off the table,
Testily,
Afraid of snapping the stem,
Afraid of mixing blood-red wine
With wine-red blood.
The glass is now in my hand
I lift it towards me
I’ve seen others do this before,
Never done it myself
Thought about it, yes,
But never imagined it would happen
The glass is an inch from my face
I swirl the wine,
Sniffing
The aroma overpowers me
I close my eyes and sniff again
And this time it enters my head
Like it has a vengeance to fulfil
I’m a little heady already
I raise the glass to my lips now,
Anticipating the experience
Wondering, if what I thought
Is indeed how it will taste
I am pleasantly surprised.
I thought as it swirled around in my mouth
That I wouldn’t like it
Thought it might be too bitter
Not something for my palate
I thought I had sensed it all,
Thought I had seen
How it intoxicates a one
And again, I am surprised
As the taste kicks in
It is full bodied
A hint of flavour that eludes,
Yet stares you in the face
Demanding that you tell what it is
That you think you taste.
The flavour hesitates,
Holding back until the last moment
To really show you what it is like
I swallow,
Thinking it is over,
It can’t possibly get any better,
And then it hits me.
I blink in surprise,
The after-taste overpowering me
This is like nothing I had ever anticipated
I want to drink in more,
I want to keep this feeling going,
But the glass is shaking in my hand.
Unsteady, unsure if I can stay on my feet,
I slide back to the table,
Wanting to put it down.
As the glass reaches the table,
My hand shakes violently,
I’m afraid I will spill it all,
Afraid I will lose that flavour
To a stain that will never come off
Slowly, carefully,
The glass inches toward the table.
Delicately, it places itself on the surface
Dancing in the light.
Sunshine bounces of the deep red
Making it seem alive, afire
Almost mocking me,
Daring me to come closer.
Now it is the glass
That’s looking at me,
Sizing me up
Seeing what I almost mismanaged
I am convinced
I am not worthy
The glass is changing
I do not understand
The glass grows
But the wine remains the same
Filling less and less of the glass
Every time I look at it
But still, it seems to overflow.
I stare at the wine glass,
Transfixed.
I stand on a cliff,
I’m ready to plunge,
Though the canyon below
Seems to fade into the dark
I’m unafraid,
Yet terrified
I don’t know if I will reach
The bottom,
Or if I vanish into the nothingness
It almost calls to me
Asking if I will be tempted
So what if the pointed tail
Bothers you,
Ignore it,
There’s so much more to see
I’m on that cliff again
This time I don’t know what happens next
I stand there and wait for a sign,
But the jury seems to be out on my parade
I wonder
Will they ever come back in?
Can the magic hold back?
Will it ever be like this again?
Will the sky still be blue,
The sun yellow?
Can I go back to when
I could look straight at it
And not be burned?
Can I deal with the fact
That sweet might never be sweet?
That breathing might not seem like a privilege
But a sentence,
LIFE… hard labour… the third degree…
So many questions…
So many explanations still to come,
So many cliffs still to climb
So many ledges still to jump off
With nothing more than a blind hope
That my feet will land on clouds.
I’m on a new cliff today,
I’ve seen my share,
Jumped a few too…
Today I’m afraid,
Terrified, petrified,
I look down, and fear escapes me
The cliff that I stand on
Is disappearing
Waning
Crumbling under the weight
I have put on it
Yet I stand there, unafraid.
If not here, then nowhere.
This is my cliff.
Take it away, and you take away my life.
