Wednesday, 27 September 2006


Part Two

I’ve been standing in motion
I’ve started to run
But the wall jus fades away into the darkness
And I’m left chasin empty air
I’m sick of this runnin
I’m sick of the chase
I’m sick of the walls screamin
To keep me in my place
I don’t want no more of this runnin
I’m jus gonna sit right here
To see wat I can do
Wen I don’t really try that hard
And life now seems so simple
I jus take it as it comes
I don’t need to run anymore

I’ve been standin in motion
I see the door now
More clearly than ever before
Even though I no longer want it
It comes closer to me
There’s nothing I can do
Its almost upon me now
All I gotta do is
Get up and walk right thru
And I turn around to see
Those fools still tryin to run
Competin for the stupid badge,
The badge I’ve already won.

Wednesday, 20 September 2006


Part One

I’ve been standing in motion

I try to walk but

The door only gets further away

I’m tired of walkin now

I jus wanna sit down and rest

But my feet keep movin

And the walls scream at me

Not to stop till I reach the end

Tell me how do I get there

When life jus goes on and on

And every time u think u got something

Something new comes up

And u gotta get back in the chase

The hunt for that elusive badge

To pin on your chest for the world to see

Wat a brave and wonderful boy you’ve been

But the world doesn’t care wat u did

To get it in the first place

I’ve been standing in motion

I try to walk but

The passage jus gets longer and longer

Im tired of walkin now

So should I jus sit down to rest

The world would b a nicer place

If we all jus sat down

And let time do its thing

But we, the eternal meddlers,

We gotta stick our nose where it don’t belong

We gotta try to take things in our own hands

How long’s this illusion gonna last!

But I've Learnt To Live With It

The ragged sound of the city surrounds me,

But I’ve learnt to live with it.

The constant buzz of a cellular insect hounds me,

Chirruping, hooting, screeching, banging, beeping, vibrating,

But I’ve learnt to live with it.

Decomposition extends its filthy tentacles,

Trying to ensnare me, reaching out for me,

Begging for the touch of another human being,

Or just the feel of cold metal or paper,

Stumps reach out and tap my shoulder or grab at my shirt,

But I’ve learnt to live with it.

A modern Hades lives around me,

With inked bodies and pierced minds,

Breathing fire and sniffing for white gold,

But I’ve learnt to live with it.

The open space of a 2 x 4 cell is now all I have to myself,

That too with an elbow or arm or thigh thrown in for free,

I breathe in what you breathe out,

But I’ve learnt to live with it.

Pieces of broken glass stand between

Me and my fun day of play with the ball,

And ’fessing up’s not the answer,

All it’ll get me is a resounding reward,

Lying is now my biggest virtue,

But I’ve learnt to live with it.

I’ll have your cake, you eat mine,

I just forgot I had the bigger half,

Who needs a palace of cards to live in?

I’ve seen them do with plastic sheet walls and an asbestos roof.

The glaring eye of the societal eagle is on me constantly,

But I’ve learnt to live with it.

I’m too afraid to ask the right questions,

I’m too scared to make that call,

I’m terrified of meeting my demons,

But I’ve learnt to live with the rot in me.

The book doesn’t end here, only a chapter.

Innocence Herself

The music was teasing me inside my mind. The tune was lilting; enticing, yet with a hint of sadness hidden beneath a wave of joy. Light, high notes mocked me, interspersed with deep resonant ones. Around me the first class compartment was empty, dark and lonely.

I closed my eyes, something I do to fully enjoy any music, to get to its depth, its meaning. Immediately an image sprang to mind, a beautiful, white, ornate fountain with a little pool around it. As the music played, I could almost sense the scene unfolding before me. Around the fountain was dancing a little girl, her back to me. She looked young, no older than seven or eight. With the grace that a professional would have been jealous of, she danced around the pool, her curly hair blowing in time with her motion, carefree, innocent. As the music continued, so did her dance.

I wanted to see her, her face – the face that was mocking me so. Finally she spun around, and her sheer beauty took my breath away. She was the vision of peace, an angel, eyes closed, almost as though she were asleep. Her every move seemed to radiate a breath of light, cool, fresh air. I watched, entranced, as she continued to dance, blissfully, unaware of the existence of anything, of the world around her, of sadness, desperation or depression, of poverty, of evil. Lost in the swirling maze of my thoughts, I had not noticed that her beautiful, brown eyes were now open, and that slowly, rhythmically, gracefully, she was heading towards me. Even now, she tormented me, taking one step back for every two that she took forward. Slowly, but surely, she was coming to me. Soon, she was just a few inches away from me, now dancing slowly on the spot. The music was now beginning to fade, as the track reached its end. When the music did stop, so did the little girl. She reached out a hand to touch me, and I did the same.

I was suddenly jolted out of my vision by someone tapping my leg. I opened my eyes in surprise and blinked, caught unawares by the light that was surrounding me. I turned angrily on the intruder, the defiler of my sacred space. I almost died of shock when I saw the beautiful face before me.

She looked up at me with eyes filled with hope. She smiled at me then, the most beautiful smile I had ever seen in my life. I couldn’t help returning it. Seeing me smile, she burst into a giggle; almost as if we shared a secret that no one else knew. It was then that I heard a woman’s voice saying, “Come here, don’t disturb the poor bhaiya.

Those hopeful eyes filled immediately with disappointment, as the girl went back to the woman. Almost instantly I felt a wave of loneliness and dismay. Hurriedly I shoved my earphones into my bag and said, “No, no it’s fine, let her be.” The woman smiled. “Thank you, it’s the first time I’ve seen her laugh today.” And she let the child go. Her eyes were shining, but it was the little girl’s eyes that I couldn’t help gazing into. Those beautiful brown eyes were lit up, full of happiness and excitement.

She skipped over to me, sat down next to me as if she had known me all her life, and started talking about all sorts of things, from the ‘funny uncle’s moustache’ to the wind, from the window to aeroplanes. After a while, she told me she was sleepy. I told her that she could go and sleep with her mother. She looked up at me with those stunningly brown eyes and an expression that would have melted a rock and said, “Can I sleep with you?” I couldn’t find it in my heart to say no, even though I knew I had to get off only a few stops ahead. She clambered onto my lap, threw her arms around my neck, and soon, dozed off on my shoulder. As I felt her grip loosen and her body relax, I too closed my eyes for a moment or two. I heard the music once again playing inside my head, and knew that I could feel myself being filled with light and energy.

Five minutes later, I got up with her still in my arms, walked over to where the young woman was sitting. Kissing her lightly on the forehead, I handed her over to her mother. She smiled at me, mouthed a soundless ‘Thank You’, and waved me goodbye. As I got off the train, I smiled to myself too, for I knew I had just met innocence herself.