Let's remix a patriotic song. No one cares after that.

It's been a while since I bitched/ranted (yes, those words imply opposite meanings for me) about an ad or a campaign. So here we are, with possibly the single most often run ad on TV currently: DLF IPL.




The ad is so magnificently bad, I'm not even going to get into the asininity of the carpet running across what I presume is intended to be the four corners of the country. I'm not even going to say anything about the sheer fucking randomness of the carpet travelling all over the country and ending at one stadium where suddenly the team Captains appear with children waving their flags. I will ask just one question.

Why did the carpet lead from the Himalayas to a stadium, and if it did, did those poor kids have to run the entire length of it?

Fine, so that's technically two questions. Whatever.

And while we're talking ads, Have you seen these?

Update (08/03/2010): It's not even a friggin' original idea.

The WTF Marketing Idea For The Day

I was randomly trawling the internet like I always do, and stumbled across this
[link to original].



I know. It's in German. The description on the vid reads:
Jung von Matt/Neckar lässt für Eichborn, den Verlag mit der Fliege, 200 mit Bannern bestückte Fliegen auf der Frankfurter Buchmesse starten.

Now, my German is a little rusty (read: non-existent), but I know enough about languages, translation services and advertising to know that this is what happened:

1. Random-goddamn-pseudo-effin'-intellectual publishing house wants to have a hoity-toity, attention-grabbing launch.
2. Said goddamn publishing house approaches a smart-alec ad agency known for their 'edgy' ideas.
3. Among other things said during the briefing, someone accidentally uses the phrase 'We want to get off to a flying start'.
4. Head-up-their-arse copywriter/planner/ideator latches on to that line, and adopts it as their brief.
5. Said individual thinks, "Hmm, what would be a really cool way of showing something got off to a flying start?"

Result: This ridiculous excuse for an idea.

What surprises me most is the fact that journos are happily going about snapping pics of the little things flying around. Now I'm not your biggest environmentalist/animal lover/save-the-planet-love-all-its-creatures hippie. But did no one have a problem with this?

I'm going to sign off with the best reaction I've seen yet to this video. Cheers to illustriouschin:

"yeah combining the two most annoying things in the universe, buzzing flies and advertisements. all they need now is to glue a screaming baby and a barking dog to it and they will have the ULTIMATE ANNOYANCE. the only bad part is that it drives people to kill instead of buying their shitty product, not like there is a difference though."

Why So Serious? Because You Have Really GOT To Be Kidding Me.

This is the commercial currently playing in India for the new Honda Jazz. This damn post has been in my head for near on three months now. Someone please tell me what the fuck this ad is trying to say.

That this car is so awesome that it will make the transparent cars of geriatric (and closet homosexual) senior executives explode into little bubbles?

That a 9-year old will like this car more than a transparent car made of plastic?

That cute college chicks will leave their bubble-blowing boyfriends for me?

And what the fuck is it with that stupid cactus plant? No, really? What are you trying to say?????

GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGGHHH!!!!

If anyone out there understood this ad, please, do let me know. Really. Because it’s killing me to have to see this ad on TV all the time.

 

Oh, and fucktards, that music you’re playing, it’s not jazz, it’s swing.

The Neo-Marketer is here

A new kind of marketer has been born. He is ruthless. He sees nothing but his goal and his means to achieve it. Anything else is but a distraction and/or the wind from the rear end of one of them old geezers whose time has come and gone.

No one knows better than the Neo-Marketer how to get a job done. And no one has skills to compare. His a$$licking skills are the stuff of legend.

What follows is the thought process of the Neo-Marketer:

Task Assigned: To sell bottles of blonde hair dye.

Once assigned such a task, the Neo-Marketer forgets all else and falls immediately to fulfilling it. When the inclination strikes.

He begins the process by saying, “I want to sell this blonde hair dye to black haired men.” Once this target is set in his mind, he sets off to find black-haired men. And one of the places he looks for them is a shady street corner where men look for cheap pleasure.

There, his keen eyes espy a black-haired man who's desperately looking for a quick f@#k, and screams at him, "Buy this blonde hair dye!"

Do not argue with the Neo-Marketer. He is right. You are wrong. The man on the street will buy his product.

A Campaign To Remember – Tata Safari Dicor

So a couple of nights ago, we decided to en masse to step out of the office and meet Sir B for a drink. We did, except the drink wasn’t what I quite expected.

We met at the Wagh Bakri Tea Lounge in Vile Parle to sit and chat over a couple of cuppas, discussing, as usual, life and work (are they the same?) at P******m, advertising and books. We happened to notice the new Tata Safari Dicor ad on the TV set they had there, and we started talking about their older ads, which I’d loved from the start. Thought I should put them up here.

 

The Dicor campaign was characterized by its amazingly insightful and rather philosophical copy, artistic, abstract shots, brilliant, brilliant music score, simple voiceover, and a pleasant diversion from the usual My-Car-Is-So-Powerful-It-Will-Leave-Your-Car-Far-Behind-On-The-City-Streets approach.

This is the first ad that I remember seeing for Dicor. I’ve always been anti-corporate, so the opening line hooked me. And the music (soundtrack for the movie Requiem For A Dream) was is simply spectacular. The message embodied was something I believed in. And it had nothing to do with the car itself. I also like the last frame, where ‘Reclaim your life’ flashes and then disappears.

Sorry about the time delay, I couldn’t find a better clip.

 

This is the second ad – Lines. This was Maniak’s favourite. Again, brilliant music – subtle, yet in that subtlety, powerful - with simple narration in the background. Abstract shots, again. And again, a brilliant closing frame.

 

This is my favourite ad from the old campaign. The thing I liked most about is was the brilliance of the copy, again, something I associated with completely. And yet again, the music, punching in at the end. I can remember headbanging to those last few seconds sitting at home on the couch. And my dad looking at me like I’ve lost it.

 

As far as the new ad goes, I liked it, but not as much. They don’t have the punch these ones do, and I loved the narration in the earlier ones. 

I leave you with the print campaign. Again, abstract shots, powerful copy. Hope you liked this as much as I did.

 

 

 

 

 

I’m trying to ignore the typo in this one for the idea it embodies.

 

And my favourite...

Genius Ad: Vol III

She loves me….
She loves me not…
She loves me…
She loves me not…

Can’t propose to your loved one?

We’ll do it for you!

 

Send us your crush’s name and mobile number, and we’ll propose to her!

SMS <CRUSH NAME> <MOBILE NUMBER> to <xxxxx>
and your loved one could win a date
with the stars of Kisse Pyaar Karoon!

(Saw this on the TVs they now play in BEST buses. Couldn't believe my eyes when I first saw it)

I am NOT a copywriter

Though my designation would have you believe so, don't listen or be fooled. I pretend to be one. And I've gotten so good at convincing people that I am one, I sometimes fool myself. But every now and then, a really great line comes my way and reminds me of what I'm degrading by posing as a copywriter.

Then what compels me to make so great a confession? I've just seen a whole bunch of these wonderful lines all in the same place. I've collected them here for you to feel the presence of greatness yourselves. You will know, undoubtedly, at a mere glance, where to find yourself such brilliance in the copywriting profession.

Give her pleasure with every stroke - we assure you, it's no joke
Don't let the unsatisfying size of your friend steal your manhood.
Click everybody

Your manliness has never been bigger.
Every woman is dieing to sleep with a well-endowed man.

Get better in making it with her
You can be the best bed partner ever with our natural male assistant.

Get smashing love power
The best and easiest way to improve your lovemaking
is the improvement of your love instrument.

A man with a big member has a shining look on his face.
Every extra inch down there brings more pleasure to her and more confidence to you.
Come At This Moment

Boost your men power.
All medications to cure yourself!
Clicke HERE !

Gift perfect sexual life to your girlfriend.
Few steps to become healthy!

In case you thought they only talked about one thing, you're wrong. These guys are versatile.

Add a touch of class to your life style with extremely high quality replica watches

But it's these lines that follow that brought me almost to tears with their absolute brilliance.

Girls will drop underwear for you
Show your woman high peaks of pleasure and she will worship your unique abilities.

You'll call it Peter the Great
Give woman the first thing she expects from you - the unforgetable pleasure.

Give your rocket best fuel
Make your love locomotive enter her tunnel on a full speed.

*kowtow*

Genius Ad: Vol II

Talk about hitting your prospect when he's on a relevant topic.

Next thing you know, they'll be marketing enema bags to people running searches on shampoo.

Genius Ad: Vol I

Kicking off a new segment on brilliance in advertising that really goes unnoticed most of the time. Given the size of the internet, I think this is going to end up like Gina's 'Amusement Calling' series.

Skipping the chit-chat, here we go.

Right, right... As opposed to...??

And before you people start asking, this was for work.

Worst Online Hotel Review Ever

The room was kinda small, I would have thought that at that price, I'd get a better room... The bedsheet wasn't changed at all in the duration of my five day trip. And now I have crabs :(

Thumbs down.