Saturday, 28 February 2009

The English professor, his fast car & special guests

Since we have been on the subject recently, here’s proof that I’ve lost my mind: my latest dream, fresh out of the oven, as they say.

I am an English Professor at an elite post-graduation school. Classes are held in small wooden cottages with gravel paths leading up to and between them. In one such class, I am conducting my lesson. The end of lecture is marked by a gong in the distance, and my class disperses.

I leave the cottage and walk up the gravel path, past another couple of cottages where lectures are being wound up. I recall distinctly as I walk past one of the classes that I particularly dislike the professor conducting that class, for in incompetence and inherent inability to teach. I haven’t the faintest notion who that person was.

Anyway, I move on and pass through the Teachers’ Lounge, which is another, bigger cottage some way off. The next bit is weird. I remember getting into my silver sportscar and driving off for home. I particularly remember this for two reasons. One: I’ve always thought my car would be black, and no other colour. Two: I think somewhere earlier in the dream I had already established that I rode a mountain bike.

Anyway, I drive away in my really fast sportscar, on smooth and beautifully designed roads that don’t exist in Bombay. And at the end of it, I reach a multi-storey building. I don’t actually remember reaching the building, just that I was next in it. And surprisingly, instead of starting at the bottom of the building, I was on the roof, making my way downward.

Now this was one weird building, too, because, for me to get to the floor below, I’d have to go through the room on the floor I was on. And not just through, around, in a sense. Not making sense? I thought so. That’s why I decided to add this helpful visual aid, with the arrows showing my direction of motion.

directions Now the weirdness begins. I started from the roof, descending to the floor below. Here, I was walking between walls while following the upward and leftward arrows in the graphic alongside. But when I got to the bit marked by the downward arrow, there were doors (both open) to the dorm rooms of two of my students, a boy and a girl. The boy came at me with a thick hardbound book, wanting me to clarify some doubts. The girl sat alone in her room, listening to music and folding clothes.

On the floor below, it got weirder. As I’m descending the stairs to get onto the next floor, I find myself already in a room. It is dark, and to my left there is a bed. There is the shadowy form of someone sleeping on the bed, huddled under heavy blankets. But what struck me as odd was the stuffed toys strewn casually and profusely all over the room and even over the bed. Odder still, the certainty and calm acceptance with which I knew the fact that the figure in the bed was my cousin. Check that. My cousin brother who’s 17 years old.

Nonetheless, I tiptoe through the room, stepping over and around several soft, blue pillows and a veritable menagerie, and begin my descent to the next floor. Again, I was already inside a room. Weird, innit? And it got even weirder.

On this floor, there was a TV set in what is the top right corner of my visual aid. It was switched on to Cartoon Network, and was blaring at a ridiculously loud volume. In the diametrically opposite corner was a music system playing heavy metal. A figure lay on the bed, hands covering ears, as if attempting to block out the cacophony in the room. Instead of blankets, this person was covered by an orange Jai Maa type shawl. A closer look revealed that the person was meditating. And that it was Baba Ramdev.

That’s when I woke up, stifling a scream.

Wednesday, 25 February 2009

Someone At Work Has A Lot Of Spare Time

That’s right. While some of us are slogging our a$$es off at work everyday (while striving to ensure good reading for you people), there are those who spend their time on other, not so productive tasks. Like this:


Now, just the other day, Maniak, the Lady Bastard was telling me about how he managed to make a nice floral pattern.

Maybe that means even this one is his doing. Hmmm… *strokes chin thoughtfully*

Anyway, someone CLEARLY has a lot of time on their hands, a considerable amount of skill, and drinks a lot of water.

For those quick to take offense at this, I beg you to excuse my crass attempt at toilet humour.

Hee hee hee. Toilet humour.


Saturday, 21 February 2009

Love = Time.

If you don’t have one, you can’t have the other.


I guess majority opinions do win.

Thursday, 19 February 2009

Changes are happening

In keeping with the new banner (which, by the way, I still have more plans for), my look has changed also. My hair is now long enough to tie a little pony, which I have been doing for the past two days.

Here are the reactions to the new look:

  • You look vaguely Italian
  • You look like a Mexican. You look like an Eduardo or a Pablo
  • Spanish! Like a matador!
  • Dude, you look autistic
  • Who is this girl? (This from a person whose seat is behind mine)
  • You look like the Federer of old days

Meh. What to believe?


I’m going to unplug.

Very soon.

I feel it coming.

I’m trying to fight it.

We shall see.

Sunday, 15 February 2009

Am I crazy?

It being a lazy Sunday evening and having nothing much to do, I took an online Psychological Disorders test. Here are the results.

    My Score Web Avg.
Paranoid |||||| 30% 49%
Schizoid |||||||||||||| 58% 53%
Schizotypal |||||||||||||||||||| 86% 53%
Antisocial   |||||||||||| 50% 47%
Borderline |||||| 30% 47%
Histrionic |||||||||||||||||| 78% 43%
Narcissistic |||||||||||||||| 70% 41%
Avoidant |||||| 26% 39%
Dependent |||||||||||||| 54% 37%
Obsessive-Compulsive |||||||||| 38% 40%

Paranoid - generally tends to interpret the actions of others as threatening.

Schizoid - generally detached from social relationships, and shows a narrow range of emotional expression in various social settings.

Schizotypal - uncomfortable in close relationships, has thought or perceptual distortions, and peculiarities of behaviour.

Antisocial - shows a pervasive disregard for, and violation of, the rights of others.

Borderline - shows a generalized pattern of instability in interpersonal relationships, self-image, and observable emotions, and significant impulsiveness.

Histrionic - often displays excessive emotionality and attention seeking in various contexts. They tend to overreact to other people, and are often perceived as shallow and self-centred.

Narcissistic - has a grandiose view of themselves, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy that begins by early adulthood and is present in various situations. These individuals are very demanding in their relationships.

Avoidant - socially inhibited, feels inadequate, and is oversensitive to criticism

Dependent - shows an extreme need to be taken care of that leads to fears of separation, and passive and clinging behaviour.

Obsessive-Compulsive - preoccupied with orderliness, perfectionism, and control at the expense of flexibility, openness, and efficiency.


I’m shocked! Anyone who knows me knows about my OCD! And I avoid everything like the plague! This must mean I really AM going crazy for not knowing these things! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

On the other hand, they’re spot on about the narcissism and the histrionics.

Friday, 13 February 2009

To Sir, With Love

Thank you, sir, for everything. For the kind words, for the time you spent on this lump of coal. Thank you for your booming, sporadic and uncontrolled laughter. Thank you for your advice and help, but more importantly, your guidance and wisdom. Thank you for showing me the strength it takes to be who you are. Thank you for showing me that everything I want to be is possible. Thank you for reaffirming my faith in who I am now.

Thank you, sir, for giving me someone to call ‘sir’ in that place. I fear it will turn into little more than a dark, glass shell for me now. But thank you for the ray of light you shone there.

You will be missed, sir. You are missed.

I hope we shall sit across each other at a table again some day, beer in hand, discussing obscure literature, advertising, writing, the blues (both life and music) and Pink Floyd.

Monday, 9 February 2009

Here’s to Pub-going, Loose and Forward Women

I’m all for this. In view of the acts of outraged homosexuals in Mangalore, it is time to stand up for what we believe in.

It is time to test the whole ‘Love shall set the world free’ theory. And here’s how.

Send a pair of cheap pink chaddies to the Sri Ram Sena. If you don’t own a pair, no biggie. Buy one. It could be one of those cheap ones that you get at roadside stalls near Andheri Station. Or the lacy type. The specifics, I leave to you.

To know how to go about it, visit The Pink Chaddi Campaign and make your voice heard.

Innovative add-on ideas are also absolutely welcome.

So if you own a pair of bright pink chuds, please, do send them in. If you don’t, be a dear and buy one.

If you’re like me - neither owning, nor brave enough to go buy a pair of pink drawers in broad daylight - spread the word. Help the good women of this country spread the love and turn the other cheek. Erm…. in a completely non-disgusting way.

Sunday, 8 February 2009

India answers about that embarrassing ‘10$ Laptop’ business

So about a week ago, the Indian Education Ministry set the tech world aflutter by announcing the launch of its 10$ Laptop to help poor, underprivileged children have access to information more easily.

Yay! for Arjun Singh! There were respectful whispers everywhere of the brightest of minds from IIT-Madras and IISc Bangalore coming together to create this magical device that would surely set India on the path to righteousness and glory.


And then they launched this.

Umm… Wait… is this a bad picture of my last internet router?

Oh, no. That’s actually what they launched. That thing is the Education Ministry’s idea of a laptop. But hey, at least it costs just 10$, right? We’ll see about that. First, let’s see how the world took being mocked.

Fox News had a thing or two to say about our wonderful creation. Choice words, and I don’t grudge them.

Rediff news, on the other hand, seemed to think we were quite the bee’s knees.

The Times of India (a paper I’ve lost a lot of respect for in recent times, though this redeems them just a bit) saw through the bullshit, though.

Gizmodo, the gadget blog, in two separate articles, called the ‘10$ Laptop’ a ‘big, dumb joke’ and ‘a complete bust’.


So what possible explanation could our dear government have for releasing a ‘laptop’ that needs to be plugged into a computer or laptop to work (heard of thumbdrives/pendrives/flashdrives/USB storage devices, anyone? I thought not)?   I demand one, really. And has our government ever failed us? Ha! A laughable notion, that!

Their excuse? It was a typo. They meant 100$.

Of course! They meant to do the usual by releasing that piece of garage junk for 100$, not 10$.

Of course.

Monday, 2 February 2009

Narcissism Anyone?

So I’ve just been told about (and in that, invited to add my blog to) this "Best Mumbai Blog Competition", being done by

What say? Shall we make mountains out of molehills and sign up? Or remain under clouds of obscurity?

Meh… What’s the worst it could do? Send me traffic? = p

Fine, I’ll put it up, I know you want me to…

Oh, and Muduu, this is me officially informing you.