Wednesday, 30 July 2008

. / ? Ooh. Tough Decision.

I don't get it. Is it really so hard? I mean, you've got the basics. After that, it's just a matter of application. But no. People insist on writing things like:

"Have you got what it takes to be a Hero. Then name these Legends?"

P.S. That's the actual description for a quiz I just took on Facebook.

Tuesday, 29 July 2008

Gay Blues

Example of Pointless Conversation:

Dude. Blues is such gay music. I mean it's so repetitive. How can you like it?

To each his own, I guess. What're you into?

Oh, you know, mostly trance...

Sunday, 27 July 2008

The Bright Light In The Dark Knight


I said I wouldn't post about this, but there are things that must be mentioned here. I'm not going to talk about Heath Ledger's performance, simply because that would be tantamount to an insult. But I have to put in my two bits for Director Chris Nolan.

Even though he's dealt with the Joker in a way I don't entirely endorse (for the uninitiated, he's changed the Joker's story from original DC canon), I have to give it to him for the subtlety he's employed in bringing out the Joker's mad genius. I'll draw attention to two things in particular that stood out at me.

One: In the scene where the Joker is setting up the chase of the armoured truck with Harvey Dent in it, he leaves a burning fire engine in the middle of the road, forcing the convoy to take a different route.

Two: In the scene where the Joker goes to meet Harvey Dent in the hospital, he's in a nurse's outfit with a 'Dent' support sticker on the lapel.

Both very subtle, but absolutely brilliant insights into the mind of the Joker, his sense of humour.

Nolan, take a bow.

P.S. Imbd, widely considered the world's most reliable movie rating site, has called The Dark Knight the best movie ever.


India TV is my office's favourite channel. As copywriters, we look up to the guys working there. Here are Friday's pearls:

Bharat Mein Mahamanav:

This special report by a brave reporter is about a 10 foot, 300 kilo yeti in Meghalaya. How they got their stats is their business alone. We have no right to ask. The report stressed that, "Bharat mein ab yeh ghor khatra aa chuka hai. Aur is khatre ka saamna karne ke liye hamare samvatdata vahan gaye aur unhe yeh video mila."

At this point, they used clippings from this video, a BBC news report on the possibility of Bigfoot sightings in Malaysia. Also, as background for the anchor, they used a montage of images taken from the first page of google image search results for the word 'yeti', including an image of Chewbacca (this one, actually). The newsroom reporter stood in front of it so that any random Star Wars fan watching (such as myself) wouldn't notice.

I'm surprised they didn't use this video for the story.

One hour later:

Special Report: Yamraj Ka Video:

This was a 'Breaking News' report about how last night, an Indian Airlines flight got hit by a bird just before takeoff from Delhi, and some woman on board was filming it while it was happening because she wanted a video of the beautiful takeoff. Instead, says the announcer, she got a video of Yamraj! The reporter went on to provide running commentary in a menacing voice:

"Aur vimaan ki raftaar badhne lagi.

Chalees kilometer prati ghante.

Sath kilometer prati ghante.

Sau kilometer prati ghante!

Aur phir yeh bhayaanak haadsa! Ek pakshi vimaan se takra gayi!

Captaan ne lagaye emergency brake!

Aur vimaan ke nichle hisse mein lagi aag!

Do sau ikyaasi logon ko ambulance aur fire engines ke beech mein plane se utara gaya!"

Then they went on to show practically each of the two hundred and bloody forty one people evacuated from the place by the slider thingie at the emergency exits.

Where does Yamraj feature in this, you ask? Fear not, for our copy-journalists have the answer. In his menacing tone, our announcer proclaims:

"Yamraj sirf teen second door they, par ab iss video mein kaid ho chuke hain!"

Seriously. Now THAT is what copywriters must aspire to be.

Friday, 25 July 2008

Sacred Promises

Promises are made to be broken. It is in their nature. At least, that's the way men see it. For men, all promises can be broken, and without the fear of divine retribution, too.

But there is one promise among men that is sacred. Its bonds have never been tested, let alone broken, without the breaker's eternal damnation. When two men make a pact which is signed by the Clinking of Beer Bottles / Mugs / Glasses / Flagons / Plastic-Cups-With-Small-Furry-Animals-Painted-On-Side, nothing short of natural calamity may prevent it from being carried out to its fullest.

In terms of hierarchical ranking, the Beer Clink promise outranks, by far, promises written in blood, and by a considerably smaller margin, promises made while peeing next to the other party. Failure to complete one's end of a Beer Clink promise is akin to welcoming an eternal existence painting one's gonads with meatsauce while playing naked with Satan's starving dogs.

Sir, I hope I may consider mine fulfilled.

Complaints, Complaints

I've seen a lot of bloggers (myself included) that begin their blogs/posts/sentences with, "What will become of a nation where..." followed by the grouse of their weekend.

I now have one of my own for all of them (myself included).

"What will become of a nation, where all people - who should really be doing something - can do is say, 'What will become of a nation where...'?"

Sunday, 20 July 2008

Porn is Feminist

Before you start attacking me with chappals/bags/heavy blunt objects/knives/cars/any other randomly-available-objects-turned-weapons, household or otherwise, let me state my case.

From what I've seen, it's become clear to me that Porn is a woman's industry. The number of relatively well-known female pornstars greatly outweighs that of the males. I know that's not really the greatest argument in the world, but pray let me continue.

Another important aspect I've noticed is that in full length films, it's the women that have the most character development. Men exist in the porn world purely for umm... er... mechanical (=s) reasons. They flit in and out of scenes, completely inconsequential in the greater scheme of things. In most short films, you won't even get to see the guy's face. The women are, and remain, the most important aspect of the film.

In this regard, porn is feminist.

Note: The above post is a representation of nobody's views in particular. Any physical action against the blogger may be met with swift and nut-crunchingly effective litigation.

Saturday, 19 July 2008

Facebook Friends

What's with adding people you've never spoken to just so you have a higher number of 'Friends' on Facebook/Orkut? Does it increase social standing?

Okay, I've confirmed your friend request, even though I didn't know your name till now. What next? Who's going to post the first wall post? Or is this 'Friendship' going to be based purely on application invites?
I generally let life/education advice pass through from one year and out the other, but this one just stuck with me.

You just want to take the Off-the-beaten-track track.

Umm... Say what?

Wednesday, 16 July 2008

Journalism. Hahahahahahahaha.

I have never hesitated in showing my utmost disdain for TV news and its desire to report awe-inspiring stories headlined, "Shahbash Bandar Mamu!" etcetera.

Today, I officially announce that the Times of India has gone from being the No. 1 broadsheet daily to being India's most widely read tabloid. While this has been a change that occurred long ago, I wanted not to believe it. However, my faith has now been shaken to its core.

16th July 2008, Mumbai Edition.

Pg. 2: Fearing arrest, newly weds rush to court - How couples are afraid of police action from parents against their wedding.

Pg. 4: A jet for Mr. Deshmukh - How Mayawati beat Vilasrao in a race to get a jet.

Pg. 5: Eco-friendly Ganesh idols unlikely this year - How restrictions cannot be placed on size and materials for Ganesh idols for religious reasons.

Pg. 6: Admissions resume, despair continues - How the ambiguous admission procedure continues, harrowing students and parents alike.

And apparently, this news item is more important.

Pg. 3: NRI friend of Rani Mukherjee's uncle robbed


Monday, 14 July 2008


I really need something to do. Otherwise I'm going to keep coming up with lines like, "That's so yesterday, it should be called 'day before'."



Legendary philosopher looks at his ardent pupil lovingly and says:

I have taught you all I know, my child. You are now ready for the world. My final teaching to you is this: Question Everything.

Umm... why?

Tuesday, 8 July 2008

People who don't watch too many movies should be made to sit together and complete each others' most favourite famous dialogues. What you'll get?

Ek chutki sindoor....
Er... aadmi ko hinjada bana sakta hai?

Sunday, 6 July 2008

What is it with idiots who think they deserve respect? Didn't they get the memo? That's not how it works! And they want to talk about 'being courteous enough'? Really? Really? Can you even spell the damn word? Have you ever given a shit about anything but your own sorry ass?

Really, get it, please. It's commanded. Earned. Not demanded.

C'est la vie. Que peut-on f@#%ing dire?

Most people get:

The result of seat number 3282 is Passed with First Class

But me? No. They've got to reserve this one for me.

Result for seat number 3281 is unavailable.

You have to contact your respective Institute/College.

It's just one of the most reassuring ways for them to have framed it. Someone over at Mumbai University must have a real sense of humour.

Wednesday, 2 July 2008

Gaming Convention Jokes

I recently played a game called Hitman. You've played it? It's really difficult, man... I mean, those damn roaches point-blank refuse to stay in one place!!!

God TV is aiming to get new viewers, especially in the younger generation. To that end, they've just released a new computer game. It's called Halo.

There's a new game out that involves two teams, each running a laundry service. The objective of the game is to go to the other laundry's territory and sabotage their washing. It's called Behind Enemy Lines.

Responding to media pressure that their games are too flashy and violent, Rockstar Games is planning to release a new game where players are forced to steal old, run-down station wagons. They're tentatively calling it Bland Theft Auto.

Counterstrike: When every coin on a carrom board refuses to move.


Counterstrike: The average Indian government office.