Sunday, 13 April 2008

Kinds of Bus Passengers

Incredibly long bus journeys mean I have nothing better to do than this. And though the number of types of passengers may be the same as the number of people (since every individual is unique and all that crap), I have categorised them as follows. Please note, you may fall into any or even all of the following categories.

  1. Wind Riders
    These spirited individuals like to enjoy the thrills of water skiing (or other such adrenaline-pumped physical activities) whilst on their bus journeys. For the same, they stand at the footboard and enjoy the wind running through their hair (or bald patch) till such time as another irate passenger asks them to step off or the conductor (descriptions of conductors given below) threatens to throw them off (I must add, it really does get the adrenaline flowing. Or maybe I'm a wimp who enjoys cheap thrills).

  2. Sleepers
    Contrary to what crappy Kurt Russell movies will tell you, this guy does not set off bombs, but uses long bus journeys to catch up on lost hours at home/class/office. I must admit I fall rather heavily and blissfully in this category. Subsets include the Nodders, the Snorers and the I-Don't-Know-You-But-You-Have-A-Wonderful-Shoulder-Please-Let-Me-Sleep-
    On-It.

  3. Flakes
    These individuals get into buses they don't really like. Once in, they see the proverbial grass on the other side, and after having bought their tickets, get off to switch buses. Another subset in this kind is the one who buys a ticket to a particular stop but eventually ends up getting off three or more stops before it.

  4. Broken Records
    Need I really say more? Sitting next to them is akin to hearing an LP being played on a gas stove. Mind you, these individuals believe themselves to be experienced campaigners in these so far uncharted vocal territories. They are also the ones who go line up fifteen days in advance with tents, clothing and food (if not highly geeky "collector's" items) for Indian Idol auditions.

  5. Fountain Statues
    Momentary dementia or severe identity crises cause these individuals to believe, while seated on bus window seats or standing at exits, that they are centrepieces of Venetian marble on beautiful garden attraction fountains. They understand perfectly how the use of light and colour is important in fountains, and therefore ensure that their streams are bright red from time to time.

  6. Long Stalks From The Beach
    These amorously inclined individuals (mostly young gents) enjoy following the objects of their affection around the city, standing at a safe enough distance to be viewed as an innocent co-passenger, yet close enough to smell their muse's perfume, or whatever the hell gets their balls rolling (pun not intended at time of writing; perhaps later...).

  7. Cursors
    These are irate individuals who feel rather strongly and negatively about their bus driver's abilities (descriptions of bus drivers given below). So strongly, in fact, do they feel, that they decide to brave the zero-G trip down the gangway to relay this opinion in person and in no censored terms to said driver.

  8. Pre-Cursors
    These individuals share much of the previous category's views. Unfortunately they either lack the courage or the conviction in their beliefs to move to action, as do the members of the previous category. Instead, they grace their co-passengers with their flowery language in their description of their feelings about the bus driver's talents.

4 member protest rally:

Me said...

Vivid and very entertaining. But You have grossly lacked in describing certain common traits in women. I could give you a whole new list of that: seat-demanders, beauty-queens, silent sufferers (with the most hilarious expressions) and the 'muses'

Jhayu said...

In that case, I can only impatiently wait...

Ani said...

What about those kind of people who, um, make lists like these?

Jhayu said...

That was too obvious.. Decided to leave it out..

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