Wednesday, 4 March 2009

Rules For Work

I found these while roaming randomly about on the internet like I always do (yes, I’m an internet bum, and so are most of you), and was pleasantly surprised to see how much it applied to my everyday life at work.

  1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
  2. If it's really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it's going. That helps. Or even better, hover behind me, advising me at every keystroke.
  3. Always leave without telling anyone where you're going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.
  4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don't open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors with no arms is good training in case I should ever be injured and lose all use of my limbs.
  5. If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which is priority. I am psychic.
  6. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.
  7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.
  8. If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped.
  9. If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information.
  10. Never introduce me to the people you're with. I have no right to know anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.
  11. Be nice to me only when the job I'm doing for you could really change your life and send you straight to managers' hell.
  12. Tell me all your little problems.  No one else has any and it's nice to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story about having to pay so much taxes on the bonus check you received for being such a good manager.
  13. Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goals SHOULD have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost of living increase. I'm not here for the money anyway.

The depressing thing is, of these, 1, 2, 5, 6, 9, 11 and 13 are perfectly true for me. Thanks to Maniak for recommending that I put this up.

11 member protest rally:

Mudra said...

Hahahahha... So true! :D

Curlyconman said...

Be happy.
Atleast 8 is not true for you. :D

Nice post. :-)

Jhayu said...

@ Muduu.
Do you have to face it everyday???

@ curly.
Meh, maybe I just don't know about it yet...

Deepali said...

Hehe where'd you find this? Unfortunately some or the other part is true for most people.

But a pretty funny post none the less.

The Rat... said...

ha ha ha.. wr did u find this hilarious list...

i totally go by it, esp 6th... :P

Vaudevillian said...

heh "born to be whipped"

I'm stealing that one. hopefully it should work with them ladies.

Jhayu said...

@ Deepali.
iGoogle is el brilliante.

And meh, why do SO many have to apply to us?

@ The Rat.
Refer above.

And yeah, we've just accepted that one as part of life now. If there comes a day when I have to leave office before sunset, I might just die of sunstroke.

@ Vaudevillain.
First of all, welcome!

And secondly, whatever works for you, my man.

Mudra said...

@Jhayu: Pretty much. Except that I'm not working for a coupla months now, so I can afford to laugh. If I was still working, I'd just groan in a hollow way and nod my head at this post.

Get rid of word verif, will you?

Jhayu said...

@ Muduu.
Would that really make you happy? Despite how cool word verif can sometimes be? Like this?

shesturningblue said...

Number 1
and number 6
so true!

Jhayu said...

@ Fishy.
You too?

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